Overcoming Fear

I'm crossing into dangerous territory. I'm writing about what I'm writing. In the past, I've been extremely cautious about writing or talking about the work I'm doing, as if acknowledging it will make it disappear. Poof! and the mystery is gone. I suppose I still have that fear, but at the moment I have a greater need to make myself accountable to the work. Writing about it is recognizing it, which is almost like having a deadline.

I have the most trouble talking about my fiction (Poof! is lingering just around the corner to take it all away). This is probably because I consider myself a poet. For many years now, I've written poetry, taken as well as facilitated poetry classes, had some luck publishing poems, and in general steamed myself in the vapors of poetry. I have a certain comfort level in poetry. While an artist should probably never feel too comfortable (risking complacency), she won't get anything accomplished if she's at the other end of the spectrum. Writing fiction, I feel uneasy, stumbling around on stilts, unable to balance or steer in the right direction. Perhaps writing about the process of writing fiction will enlighten the work I'm doing and help steady my reeling.

The story I want to make myself accountable to is Lily and Louisa's story. No title yet, nor am I sure what the scope of the story is. It is turning into a longer work (again, I can't utter certain spell-breaking words, such as a word that rhymes with grovel). I think the most important thing right now is to see this work through to whatever its natural end is, to listen to the characters and everything they have to say. It began with a short story called "After the Snow Fell," written in January 2006. Some time after that (maybe a year or more later?), the characters started showing up again, and I found myself wanting to tell the rest of their story. Only recently have I started to type up the mess that's in my notebooks (fear, again, that I will give up, discover there's less to love once it's in Times New Roman).

I suppose it's quite simple. I need to write to overcome my fears, to push forward with the story, with the writing, with this scary and elusive process.